straf's (Totally awesomer than G's) Review Thread

[straf]

It'd probably be a lot better to do it here since there won't be massive flooding of threads, so... Yeah. And I'm gonna do all the albums on my iTunes currently. Not in order, though, so this first post will serve more as an index than anything else.

IMPORTANT: Requests are OK. You can even make your own reviews here If you want to. If you do request, don't expect it to be done immediately. It will be written eventually -- don't worry about that -- but remember that I have a queue.

THE REVIEW QUEUE:
L.A. Woman - The Doors (hiatus until I find something to say about it.)
You know what, fuck queues. Spontaneity for the win.

(NOTE: Listings in blue indicate an "outdated" review. If you don't see another listing of the same name, it's still in the process of being re-done. Listings in beige are the "improved" reviews. If you read an "improved" review, you should take those opinions over the ones in the "outdated" reviews, even if they contradict themselves. Anything in orange indicates a listing that has received a ten, if you, ya know, are too lazy to go through the entire thread yourself. Listings in pink are guest reviews, written by people who either didn't want to make an entire thread for one review or just wanted to see what everyone thought before making their own(of course, mine are so much better[/conceitedshit], but theirs are worth checking out too). Listings in maroon are the normal reviews. Nothing particularly special about them, but worth reading :D [/shamelessplug] Cheers. :3)

DESCRIPTION OF RATING SYSTEM: Just so you know, I use letter grades now. If you're just now coming into this thread, you may notice that the old number grades still remain on the outdated reviews. All other reviews had their ratings adjusted to fit this new system. The reason that I changed is because I usually give relatively high -- if not high -- marks to almost everything, and by doing such, I may be raising your expectations quite a bit. By using letter grades, I feel as if your getting a more proper judgment of the album without raising your expectations too high or making them too low. The final rating is judged by a few factors: my personal opinion, quality of performance, quality of arrangements, production value, resonance (where applicable), and originality. It's somewhat flawed, yes, but it works better for me. Take this for example: if the songs are really good and are played at least adequately, but the production is crap (ie: Goats Head Soup), it may get a lower than normal rating. If the playing is spectacular but the arrangements are dull (ie: Waiting For The Sun), it may get a lower rating. If it's not original but the playing is great and the arrangements are really, really good (ie: The Soft Parade) it may get a higher rating. And so on and so on. If you need numerical grades to associate the letters with, think of them like this: A+ (9-10) A (8-10) A- (7-9) B+ (7-8) B (6-8) B- (6-7) C+ (6-7) C (5-7) C- (5-6) D+ (4-5) D (3-5) D- (3-4) F+ (2-4) F (2-3) F- (1-2) Z (Wanker). To narrow down the letter grade to the particular number grade, just read the review. That in itself should tell you enough. Like if it gets a higher rating, but I talk bad about some aspects of it, there's a good chance that it's the lower number value in the set I gave you. Take The Soft Parade for example. I diss a lot of its "innovations", but it still gets a B+. The original rating before switching over to letter grades was a 7. (Funny thing is, I had completely forgotten until I saw it again. >.>)

The Index
The Doors:
The Doors - pg 1
Strange Days
Waiting For The Sun
The Soft Parade
Morrison Hotel
L.A. Woman
The Beatles:
Revolver
Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Pink Floyd:
Piper At The Gates Of Dawn - pg 2
Aphrodite's Child:
666
Queen:
Queen
The Rolling Stones:
Their Satanic Majesties Request
Pink Floyd:
The Wall
The Rolling Stones:
Sticky Fingers
Beggar's Banquet
The Sex Pistols:
Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols!
Nirvana:
In Utero - pg 3
Meat Loaf:
Bat Out Of Hell - pg 4
The Velvet Underground:
& Nico
White Light/White Heat
Velvet Underground
Metallica:
Metallica - written by l<1NG /-\N\/1L
Modest Mouse:
The Lonesome Crowded West - written by Qaz - pg 5
A Silver Mt Zion:
Horses In The Sky
Slayer:
Reign In Blood - Written by Dave Mustaine
Sparklehorse:
Good Morning, Spider - pg 6
The Rolling Stones:
Goats Head Soup
Exile On Main Street
Some Girls - pg 7
Bob Dylan:
Bringing It All Back Home - pg 8
Highway 61 Revisited
Tomorrow:
Tomorrow - pg 9
Queen:
Queen II
The Residents:
The Third Reich 'N Roll
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band:
Trout Mask Replica - pg 11
Grow Fins
Bob Dylan:
Blonde on Blonde
Godspeed You! Black Emperor:
Slow Riot For New Zerø Kanada
The Doors:
The Doors - pg 13
Strange Days - pg 15
Waiting for the Sun
The Soft Parade
Morrison Hotel
The Rolling Stones:
Goats Head Soup - pg 17

[Zilla2112]

EPIC!

[straf]

The Doors - The Doors

Released in 1967
Track Listing
Break On Through (To The Other Side)
Soul Kitchen
The Crystal Ship
Twentieth Century Fox
Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar)
Light My Fire
Back Door Man
I Looked At You
End Of The Night
Take It As It Comes
The End

The epitome of stoner albums, The Doors is their first attempt at a full release as a band. While some people may not consider to be much of a blues band, those people were probably ignorant of this album(and Morrison Hotel and L.A. Woman) for it is very blues. Almost too blues, because you have to remember, they're calling themselves a rock band here. However bluesy they are, though, it seems to fit in with the stoner feel to this album, and it really makes you want to go to your basement and get stoned. However, since I'm assuming that you guys aren't stoners, if you want the stoner experience, I'd recommend waiting till you're exceptionally sleepy then lie around in bed listening to this. It's really surreal.

But as for the music itself, it could easily be passed off as wannabe-blues band posh, which I guess it really is in a way. But the real mysticism lies in Jim Morrison lyrics/vocals. The Lizard King has that gritty, sleepy, tired voice that just hooks you in and does even more so with the surrealistic imagery in the lyrics. You can't help but love the guy even if you despise the Doors. But aside from The Lizard king himself, there's nothing really left to hold up the album. sure, it has some catchy(stolen) bits in it, but it all ends up sounding all the same in the end.

But is that a bad thing? Absolutely not. The Lizard King is so mystifying that his voice is all you need to get you through this. It's just so... awesomely haunting that I can't even describe it in words.

But as for the other guys:

Ray Manzarek(aka Jesus) plays a mean keyboard/bass. Maybe not absolutely the best, but it could hold itself up to much of the best. He's the mastermind to a lot of the funner/intricate sounding melodies. Without him, The Doors probably wouldn't be anything at all. His creativity really shows, and -- this is what takes the cake -- his stuff comes up to par with The Lizard King's weirdness. It all works out, baby, especially on that weird fucking 11 minute poetry-prose outro called 'The End'.

Robby Krieger(aka Jesus' long lost brother) plays guitar. Mostly fingerpicking, if I recall correctly, but there's not too much of that at all on this album, and that's fine by me. It takes away from the overall strangeness of this.

John Densmore(aka that dude that no-one gives a shit about) plays drums. Yeah. Nothing too special. Better than fucking Ringo though. >.>

Interesting cuts include(Note: these are links): Break On Through, The Crystal Ship, Light My Fire, Take It As It Comes, The End

8/10

[straf]

The Doors - Strange Days

Released in 1967
Track Listing
Strange Days
You're Lost Little Girl
Love Me Two Times
Unhappy Girl
Horse Latitudes
Moonlight Drive
People Are Strange
My Eyes Have Seen You
I Can't See Your Face in My Mind
When The Music's Over

While I said that the Doors' previous album was mystifying, this one is even more so. I believe that it was George Starostin who said that Strange Days is like a trip through some alien land, and indeed it is. And of course, it wouldn't be so without The Lizard King and his wonderful, haunting voice(which would, unfortunately, be used later to sing petty songs like 'Ship Of Fools' or 'Land Ho!'). While The Doors may have been the epitome stoner album, Strange Days comes out to be the quintessential stoner album.

It helps to listen to this album when you have no distractions or have nothing else to do. You have to pay attention -- close attention! -- to every little musical detail in these songs. Hear that oddly pleasant clicky-noise after each piano note in 'Moonlight Drive'? Yeah, well, that's because ol' Ray played the piano parts backwards and then reversed it for this album, since that pleasurable click usually comes at the beginning of each note(I would know). There's little treats like that everywhere.

Of course, the aesthetic value of an album doesn't really come from what little tricks the band uses on it, but rather the music itself. What's kind of hard for potential listeners to get past is that each song starts of really slowly(not literally "slow") and very simple but then gradually transforms into a pleasant wall of sound. This is most noticeable in the title track and 'Moonlight Drive' but applies to every song. This album also incorporates the long, poetic closing, but that's OK because 'When The Music's Over' is one of the greatest songs ever. It could almost be considered protometal.

As for each wall of sound, they are mystically enticing. Not the bluesy enticing like in their first album, but more like some sleepy, magical enticing that can only be heard to be believed. They all sound really nice, and that's all I can really say about them. Not that I'm trying to cop out of a review, but I really, really couldn't do them justice. But to fully enjoy it, you have to come in prepared for some "whiskey and mystics" kind of shit. Morrison, you see, is a total shaman of sorts, and his ways are strange. Perfectly suited for an album called Strange Days.

Interesting cuts include: Strange Days, You're Lost Little Girl, Love Me Two Times, Moonlight Drive, People Are Strange, When The Music's Over

10/10

[straf]

The Doors - Waiting For The Sun

Released in 1968
Track Listing
Hello, I Love You
Love Street
Not to Touch the Earth
Summer's Almost Gone
Wintertime Love
The Unknown Soldier
My Wild Love
Spanish Caravan
We Could Be So Good Together
Yes, the River Knows
Five to One

Waiting For The Sun was a big turn for the Doors because it just happened to be a(yuckity, yuck!) a happy pop album! Well, almost anyway, because there's a few typical fucked-up Morrison acid trips stuck in there. Also, this is where The Lizard King gets his name! (In case you were wondering. >.>) ("I am the Lizard King... I can do anything" - 'Not To Touch The Earth')

Going pop was the major flaw of this album, but it doesn't completely fell it, especially since it's still weird. And that's why we like the Doors, no? Because they're so fucked up. But another major flaw was the exclusion of the planned 20-minute-long poetic outro 'The Celebration Of The Lizard'. It was a bonus track on the remastering of Waiting For The Sun and it sounds fucking epic. But they left it off. Why? Because Jesus needs to kill something too, I guess. I mean, with 'Celebration Of The Lizard' taking up one half of the album, the Doors could've easily removed all of the shitty filler on this album, but instead... We get the shitty filler.

To be brief about it, most of the songs on here suck hairy dick out of the fecal matter of rabid dogs that've been out in the sun too long while sitting in a pisshole. Of course, there are good songs on here -- I mean, they're the Doors for Chrissakes -- but Jesus, they didn't have to pad it this bad. I can't say much more. It's shit. Definite no-no.

Interesting cuts include(happy pop tunes justly left out): Not To Touch The Earth, The Unknown Soldier, Spanish Caravan, My Wild Love, Five to One

5/10

[straf]

The Doors - The Soft Parade

Released in 1969
Track Listing
Tell All The People
Touch Me
Shaman's Blues
Do It
Easy Ride
Wild Child
Runnin' Wild
Wishful Sinful
The Soft Parade

Well fuck. If you thought that the last album was a happy pop album, get a load of this. It's happy flower pop album. Yeah. Horns 'n all. But hey, at least this is listenable. A whole lot batter than before and whole lot more thought-out, in my opinion. The flowery bits kind of help it out, and hey, Jim's still being Jim.

Interesting cuts include: Tell All The People, Touch Me, Shaman's Blues, Wild Child, The Soft Parade

7/10

[straf]

The Doors - Morrison Hotel

Released in 1970
Track Listing
Roadhouse Blues
Waiting For The Sun
You Make Me Real
Peace Frog
Blue Sunday Ship Of Fools
Land Ho!
The Spy
Queen Of the Highway
Indian Summer
Maggie M'Gill

After the Doors' departure from blues with Strange Days, it may have been unexpected for them to pull out another blues album from the far reaches of their anal fissures. And this is one evil release. One half is some hard, gritty bluesy rockers, and the other tons of verse from the Lizard King. Normally his poetry is interesting, but the way it's drawn out by the music in this album makes it almost unbearable. Picking now to make it up to Jim about 'The Celebration Of The Lizard' was a bad move. But for what it's worth, the blues side is totally, ass-kickingly awesome.

The blues portion, you see, has some of the most memorable Doors song in their discography, heralding classics like 'Roadhouse Blues', 'Waiting For The Sun', and 'Peace Frog'(aka, the fucking greatest song on the fucking planet(Except not really, but it needed emphasis because you'll shit yourself at how amazing it is(Except probably not really, but goddammit, it's that good))).

So it now bears the question "Should you get it?". Fuck yeah you should.

Interesting cuts include: Roadhouse Blues, Waiting For The Sun, You Make Me Real, Peace Frog, Blue Sunday

7/10

[straf]

The Doors - L.A. Woman

Released in 1971
Track Listing
The Cahangeling
Love Her Madly
Been down So Long
Cars Hiss By My Window
L.A. Woman
L'America
Hyacinth House
Crawling King Snake
The WASP (Texas Radio & The Big Beat
Riders On The Storm

Another blues album, and another great album. Actually, this here's probably the best Doors album out there. Hard, gritty blues mixed with The Lizard King's hard, gritty vocals make an excellent combination that works. Of course, it's easy to tell that, at this point, The Lizard King's exhausted and is needing a break. He has lazy vocals -- no less great, but lazy nonetheless. However, the lazy vocals reminds me of their eponymous album, so it all works out.

Now, there's not a cut on here that I don't like. Why? I don't fucking know. It's that good I guess, if you don't mind hardcore blues and sleaze("I'VE BEEN DOWN SO GODDAMN LONG!", etc). It's also the kind of album that you'd listen to while driving somewhere. But that;s not really the point, now is it? It's just... damn good. This is also one of those very few albums that I'd say if you don't like it, you need to be committed. (That means you, Zilla. >.>)

For those of you who don't know, this is the Doors' last album with the Lizard King(and the last one of them that I'm doing), and what a way to go. The other three went on to make two more shit albums and a very dull backing track to some very palatable Morrison poetry afterwords. Sorry bastards. >.>

Interesting cuts include: Fucking all of them.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvtZTkl0qWg&p=88EA3201209BCBD2&index=1

10/10

[straf]

The Beatless - Revolver

You know the track listing. I know you do. It's the fucking Beatles.

The Beatles, being the epitome of shit, have actually, to your obvious disbelief, have put out one and only one album that I actually like. Yeah. Revolver. Now if only Ringo knew how to fucking drum and Paul to not sound like a fag, it'd be even better. So why does this album, of all the shitty ones they have, attract me? 'Cause it's art rock, that's why. It has all that trippy, Velvet Underground-ish stuff that I like(if you'd count out 'Taxman' and 'Good Day Sunshine'). Hell, I love this album with the sole exception of the two previously mentioned songs and 'Eleanor Rigby'. Why? I don't fucking know.

Maybe if they would've kept on doing stuff like this instead of shit like Sgt Pepper's. >__>

Interesting cuts include: No. I'm not doing this. It's the fucking Beatles.

8/10

[!Takuto Fucking Cat!]

Nice review mang.

[richarddjames]

/me can't wait for boards of canada and godspeed you! black emperor reviews

edit: OH GOD "/M"E" ACTUALLY WORKS HERE HAHAHAHA

[Zilla2112]

Sept 24, 2010 17:00:42 GMT -5 straf said:

This is also one of those very few albums that I'd say if you don't like it, you need to be committed. (That means you, Zilla. >.>)

Looks like I got listen to this and see if I really do need to be committed. Hopefully I'll enjoy it, as long as the annoying keyboard isn't too prevalent.

[straf]

The Shittles - Cpt Buttfuck's Gang of Flaming Homos

Well... There's 'A Day in The Life'. And no, 'Getting Better' isn't a song. It's fucking ear sodomy.

Calling The Soft Parade flower pop might've been over-doing it, but Sgt Pepper's really IS flower pop. I mean, it's the kind of abomination that 3-year-olds listen to when they go take a shit. And they end up flushing it down along with their anal excretions.

So why is this so bad? If we put aside the lyrics(which fucking babies could write WHILE they're tipping off their little baby turds), we have these "catchy" "tunes". Catchy my arsehole. It sounds like those annoying fucking ringtones that butt-munching ghetto monkeys have, but worse. They get stuck in your head and make you want to go and kick babies in the jejunum.

Can I find something redeemable about this album? Well... It sounds better than goose orgasms. >.>

But I won't be a biased bitch about the rating.

Interesting cuts include: Well... that one bit where it's over...

7/10 (perhaps I'll write a serious review later. But I really, really don't wanna listen to this more than I had to while joke-reviewing it. >.>)

[Ruler]

I love how you're allowed to swear!

[straf]

More coming at least by Thursday.